I let them love me
I like the way I follow my heart
I like when I decide what is good enough
I am not disappointed in where I'm not.
I have never ever ever ever ever asked anyone to stop what they were doing , never,
I never said “hey I really need you here for me, for this thing, please make it happen”
I can no longer imagine a future where I do not inconvenience someone. I heard an instagramer speaking about community, they said “ friendship is inconvenient” it is something to make time for, make plans around, be bound to. I like this idea of friendship as a person who used to show up & out all over the place for love of friendship… yet I didn’t require what I gave, how brutal a truth to know my seasaw seat never flew in the air per my request.
It must have ascended before, off the ground, feet dangling, smile spreading across my face and heart, this I can not recall.
I remember clearly celebrating the joys of others, fueling from fires I helped to ignite. Maybe I don’t remember if it ever happened because I didn’t feel worthy of the warmth. I know what needing someone here for me feels like though, I know the desire to have a hand held, a conference attended on my behalf, a zelle go through. I know the desire of needing to sit in silence a little while longer, the desire to grab drinks or ice cream after a long day or not after a long day and making the request just because.
See, I like the way I follow my heart, the way I follow through for myself even when no one else can show up. I’ve always had affinity to move solo. It rarely scared me, until it did. But when it hasn’t, I dined alone, skated alone, moved to an island alone, lived alone, loved all the things I loved alone. Open to the bonus of company but very good in my own.
Now, though theyre trickling in, the ones who I make requests to, ask to inconvenience themselves, the ones I won’t require to guess, I just let them know, I let them love me.
The version of me who desires to be in company knows there is love in the inconvenience.
day 23 talk
