cynicism

It won't get done with meanness

Or cynicism

There's no way I can bully myself out of a bad mood or bad season

Hush up girl its not a bad life

If i don't write this then the thing I REALLY want to say will never make it to the surface… 

The more I push down the longer the line gets

The creative juice is really starting to ferment. I mean I appreciate a probiotic as much as the next lad, lot, lad-body

But it's more like oj sat on the counter long time,

It's funky, it bites

SO I'm saying theses things now so I can clear space for what my heart really has warming on the burner

Excuse me, I need to vomit: 

my dislike for men began as a girl when I viewed the wielded power, wrong, abrasive, wrong and mean. My own bully has that voice now. I want to beat the shit out of it but he/she/he hides when I go looking for him. He only speaks up when I'm at the cusp of a great idea, a new experience, he always got that mouthy demeanor and I really want to beat his ass.

But 

I know it's me too, a small me who picked up that learned behavior, kinda like my cat learned from me to walk to the kitchen after so many hours.

A lil comfort, a lil action, a lil familiar habit.

I take a step back, sit on the floor, talk to myself in a new tone, attempting to share a new tone, a positive one. 

When I'm silent nothing feels accomplished, an Astrologer told me orating is where I find my power

I could tell from the unsolicited damn good advice I give

oO

I'm working on not leading with EGO 

I apologize I think

Men aren't all in one catergory but if they do nothing to push againist patriarchy then they benefit from my oppression and that's wack so then its fuck them.

Hmm what else must I say to clear space…

I am greater than the systems allowed me to explore.

We'll go there another time, until then

I'm not going to push it down and stand atop like pedestal of achievement.

Come back and read what I have to say. It's really is beautiful